Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
