3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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