I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Randomize
