saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
as a side note pls kill me
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
