I CAN MOONWALK!
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
