Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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