Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Randomize
