halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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