I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
