wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
