A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Randomize
