So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Randomize
