I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
