Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
