i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
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