she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
