you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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