So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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