There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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