high people should be assigned attendants
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
