I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
