Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
