ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
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