You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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