i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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