I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
