This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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