Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
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