I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
