I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
