your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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