This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Drunk is not a location!
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
