I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
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