seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
