her vagine was all disorganized.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
