I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
