i permit you to call me
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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