Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
