oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
