i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
