I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Did I show you my penis last night?
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
