I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
