i was rollin on her like bob the builder
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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