You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I still have a little drunk in my system
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
