Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
