I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
