hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
