I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Holy sore nipples Batman
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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