Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
