i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
