the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
