Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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