I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Randomize
