The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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