all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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