he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
