Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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